The weather today matches my attitude perfectly. Its rainy and gray outside just like me. I'm down and out of it today. Have been all week really. Cant wait for this weekend. I finally get to get out of this town. I'm going to visit my grandparents whom I miss dearly.
Abby is driving me nuts. She only talks to me when she wants something. A shopping buddy or someone to vent to. Paris has been avoiding me lately. Aw well guess I'm not really surprised I suck at keeping friendships. Sunny hasnt spoken to me since that night we went out-figures-I knew in the back of my head that she would do that.
Theres also this guy that I like his name is Kenton. Things are not going well between us. You see Kenton is about four years older than me. I suppose I should just suck it up and accept the fact that he is never going to like me the way that I like him. Something you just dont get in this life right? Hopefully this weekend away will help me decide some stuff. There are so many thoughts and questions inside my head all the time.
Is Paris truly my friend? What is wrong with Abby-why does she only come around when its to her benefit? Why doesnt Kenton like me? Is it my looks or my age? Will I get into college? Does my mother hate me? Where is my father? Why cant I help Sunny? Why isnt anyone helping me? Who else suffers like me? Does anyone see through my mask? Will I hurt forever? Why am I like this?
It seems I shall have to pay a visit to my little sliver of happiness. Beg for forgivness for not giving in sooner. Promise not to wait so long next time. Take my blade dig it into my skin and tear my flesh apart. Watch as the bile leaves my body. Rejoice in the satisfaction it brings. Like I always say " Happiness is only a cut away!"
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Hey again,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're getting away this weekened. It's always good to get a break from the world. =)
You seem alittle better from a few days ago..maybe it was yesterday...I'm not sure, but Keep going on. I know soon you'll get the answers you're looking for.
Just to let you know, you wont hurt forever. One day, maybe tomorrow or the next day maybe even a week from now but some day that one person is going to come into your life and is going to except you and understand you no matter what you do.
They will love you for every part of you the good the bad, the hurt,and the broken they will mend you back together, without wanting anything in return except friendship.
You are a good
a good person. I believe in you. SO if not for anyone else, do it for me. DO something new tomorrow. Something you wouldn't, you'll be surprised by changing the littlest things cause a huge reaction.
Hope- your friend