Death Is Not Beautiful When Its Not Your Own

I've seen dead people before. In science labs for school. I seen my grandpa in his casket when I was ten. But I've never seen a dying person before. My grandpa on my dad's side has had cancer since before I can remember. Only 3% of his body is infected with it now, and that is something that I am continously thankful for. But...lately he's been getting worse. He resently had a three week stay in the hospital where he lost 30 pounds. He sleeps more and more and I can see him slowly decaying right before my eyes.
My grandmother called me Tuesday night and told me that he had a CAT scan and the doctors found a mass of fatty tissue growing on his spine. At this point this news doesnt surprise me but it does sadden me. I'm well aware of everything that has ever gone on with my grandpa and I probably know more medical terms than the average 17 year old. The only thing I wish is that I knew enough to save him. I dont want to watch him decay before me. I love him with all my heart. He's the only father figure I have ever had. He thought me how to fish, and he helped me learn to ride my bike without training wheels. He thought me how to make scrambled eggs and he's always believed in me. He may be the most stubborn person in the whole entire world but at least he's stubborn about all the right things.
Sometimes....I dream about him in a casket and I wake up with my heart beating rapidly and my hands sweating. I'm not afraid of death I'm well aware of where it is I'm going after my time here is done. I'm not afraid that I will never see him again because I know that I will. I'm only afraid of not having him around when I need him the most. I'm afraid of not getting to make any more memories with him. I'm afraid of not having any more Christmas's with him. I'm afraid he wont get to see me graduate from High School. I'm afraid of losing him. One thing does calm me though and thats the fact that when he IS gone HE will be my gaurdian angel.