My World

My world is falling apart. I have everything yet I have nothing. I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Tuesday night I hung out with Alley for a little while and I felt good. We talked and laughed and all was fine. But then later that night I was just sitting at home and Jenee came and knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to drive around with her, Sunny and Jane. (Jenee is the "friend' from a post from way back) Like a complete moron I said yes. So I spent Tuesday night driving around with Sunny and Jenee. We jammed to music and smoked some cigarettes. What makes me so mad is that I totally set myself up. I KNOW they only asked me to hangout with them because they were bored. I KNOW they will be ignoring me in a week. But yet I do it everytime. Jenee has this way of making me do things that I dont want to. God Im weak......
Then on Thursday I decided to call Leigh because I hadnt seen her in almost a month. So even though it was -30 degrees and windy I walked my ass to her house so I could spend the night. I sort of regret it. Dont get me wrong we had fun. We hungout in her room watched T.V and smoked cigarettes. But as we talked I truly realized that were going seperate ways. She lives with her boyfriend and works as a waitress and Im finishing high school so I can go to college and I plan on moving to Ireland. I realized that for every one thing we have in common we have two things that are different about us. And all I can think about is how much Im going to miss her when I leave this town....How much Im going to miss everyone....I now realize JUST how alone I really am...So now theres no need for someone to tell me when my heart stops because it will be quiet enough for me to hear since no one will be around...