I feel like Im suffocating. There are times when my chest gets tight with regret and sadness. And yet- Im so numb and I beg to be able to feel.
Something
Anything
And yet
I feel so much that sometimes I think Im going to explode. I cant even bring myself to cry. I have no semi-positive way to let my feelings out. I only have horrible ways.
I fear
That one day I'll turn into stone. I'll forget how to let people in. I'll forget how to have friends. And I'll forget how to breathe and maybe even how to live.
This
Is messing with my faith. I want nothing more than to be happy with God. I love him and want him to be happy with me. I want to be the person he made me to be. But my anger and hate is preventing me from doing so.
I cant
Help it
Im just so angry all the time. Its like my new default setting.
And
I
Hate
That
I want to be happy. I want to laugh and smile like I mean it. I want to feel something other than hate and isolation. It feels like Im stuck in a rut
A
Deep
Muddy
Rut
I want out! I want to love my friends and family and myself. But my question still remains - what do I do?
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I KNOW!!!! =DD
ReplyDeleteYou go to counseling. >.< Lol.
No but really, it helps alot. At first it's hard. and you dred going..but then it gets better.
Im sure it'll help.
And the rest is what your doing now.
Your writing poems. You getting it out though..you dont see it. Slowly your getting better..you just cant see it because your soo depressed and stressed.
I want you to each morning go look at the mirror and say I am perfect the way I am. I want you to say that every morning and every damn time you see your reflection. Each time someone says mirror I want you to think I AM PERFECT THE WAY I AM.
This is your first step into getting your self esteem back and confidence.
I promise this will work...only though if you let it.
Hope-
MIRROR. =]