If you knew me and got to see me everyday you would never guess that I have been SO depressed lately.....you would never guess it though....because I've been smiling everyday....and going out almost every night....I've been to two parties in the past week...I've been surrounded by people these past two weeks......
But nothing I do seems to stop that burning feeling of loneliness...the one in my stomach....the one that always reminds me of its presents.....yeah that one.......and I realize that I've been smiling everyday so that no one will no I'm falling apart....so that no one knows I havent been eating or sleeping...I've been going out almost everynight because I cant stand being home....it makes me insane....I've been to two parties this past week and got SMASHED at both...I'm not proud of it...I did it simply to forget about everything in my life....it didnt help...AT ALL...but I'm going to do the same thing tonight and saturday night...because like my mother always says..I NEVER learn....and I've been surrounded by people these last two weeks because I'm so afraid that if I dont latch onto everyone around me then they will all leave me.....I'm afraid of being alone and that makes me weak........I HATE being weak.....
sorry this post is short but the bell is gonna ring and I need a cigarette.....I PROMISE I'll blog a whole ton this weekend....
Take Care
Lia/Katie
(I'm not sure who I am anymore)
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